I have got to start telling myself that: just because you can't win doesn't mean you are a loser.

I know this and I normally don't care about wining because I hate competition. However there are just some things that I want and well...I guess I am going to have to try harder and remember that not everyone hates me.

I am so lonely and bored. I really miss my friends today. I keep offering to fly Jason out here to visit me but he refuses to let me spend money on him, but isn't that what best friends are for? I don't care about money. I must want my friends. I keep trying to make friends here but everyone already seems to have their little clique or group and don't really like to let new people join. Oh well...try harder. Work harder. Etc.

I know I feel lost and directionless because I can't get over Portland and Reed and people there. To find my path I am going to have to move on (and stop thinking about the past), enjoy it for what it was but move on.